This
is my rambling Halloween tale, where I prattle on about my complicated relationship with chocolates... and about kids being
scared of me cause they think I'm a scary Halloween character... and maybe I am cause who knows what I look like nowadays; I have a feud with my mirror... I also ramble on quite a bit about Tyler
Hoechlin, Game of Thrones, and passionately defend Derek Hale and his growling ways... Not
really sure why I talk about them in a
Halloween post... Something to do with wolves... werewolves... abs...
yeahhhhh I don't really know... I ramble on and go off topic quite a
lot in this post... Sugar high... Also, I may be a little weird... #whenUeat2muchChocolate
Halloween is not really a big deal here in my Asian country...
We don't have any Halloween parties... or "Trick or Treat"... or dressing up in costumes... I mean we do have parties where people dress up... but we call it fancy dress parties...
A few years ago, my company's annual dinner's theme was a Halloween like party... We had princes, princesses and witches...
I wasn't trying to be anything... I just wore a long dress... Which I thought would be enough...
But apparently no... Because my sister, makes the trip back home so she could “get me ready” for the dinner which translates to "forcing me to wear make-up"...
So being scared of my younger sister... I reluctantly sat... occasionally pouting... as my sister put all kinds of things on my face... and made me wear jewellery and stuff...
While my younger brother also came down to support me, whistling and telling me that I looked good...
He lied... I looked like an orc... An orc with make-up...
And when I went to the annual dinner,
in my
sister's attempt to turn me into a princess,
and my brother's attempt to convince me that I looked like a princess,
my colleagues thought I was aiming for "clown in a dress"...
Hmmm... Maybe I should have gone as an orc instead...
Oh well, when orcs try to play dress-up...
I guess I don't just look like ONE scary monster... but like multiple scary monsters all rolled into one...
I'm like an ogre on a see-the-dentist day...
Like my entire family... Parents.. Siblings... are great.... I'm like the weed among a family of roses... The one with faulty genes... The rotten potato...
A zombie... And not the cute
warm bodies kind... but the ugly Harry Potter Troll kind... especially when I'm hungry... or exhausted...
Sometimes I wonder if I had a sorting hat for life... would I even make it into Hufflepuff... I ain't no Neville, whose courage earned him a spot in Gryffindor...
When you attempt to look like Anna from Frozen... but end up being Annabelle instead...
Ok Ok.... Sorry.... Don't mean to hate on orcs... or my looks... Or Annabelle...
I actually don't mind my looks but grateful to be blessed with a family, who have always been there for me...
During the good times and the bad, I can always count on them...
Ok my Toretto moment over....
Back to Halloween...
So no Halloween parties or Trick or Treat, but we do have our fair share of spooky tales...
Recently I read this story... of a few towns here in Malaysia, being terrorized by knocks on the door... in the dead of the night...
Really loud knocks... yet nothing visible showing up on the CCTV....
Creepy much! Just typing about it here is already making my hairs stand on end...
We don't have friendly neighbourhood ghosts like Casper... but we do have unique scary creatures like the toyol and orang minyak...
Literal translation is oil man – naked man, covered in oil, who practices some kind of black magic and goes after virgins for strength, power or something...
I don't really know the whys... I heard that they go after virgins and I fainted...
Which is why when there's a case of orang minyak in the kampung (rural town), the young, unmarried women of the household won't be allowed out alone especially at night...
Sometimes I wonder if these old wives' tales were to encourage women in the days of old... a time when a woman being single was considered a crime... to get married quickly...
I'm sorry, old wives...
Man of oil, or not... I ain't getting married...
Although my colleague does insist these are not just myths...
That she once experienced being terrorized by an orang minyak in her village town...
That they would find footsteps of black oil appearing but no visible figure... and it took a band of 20, 30 men to finally catch the orang minyak... after weeks of hunting him down...
Other than the orang minyak, we also have Pontianak (our equivalent of vampires)...
Pocongs (our equivalent of zombies)... I think... Man.. I don't know... My spooky knowledge is kinda low...
Recently I found out about the penangal... It's a nocturnal creature.... a vampire-like entity.... that takes the form of a floating disembodied woman's head...
Excuse me the Western World, you can try to sleepy hollow me with your headless horseman... But ours, is way more thrilling...
Yours was just a man and a horse...
Ours is not just the floating head... but its organs and entrails trailing from its neck...
"Do your feel scared yet? Well, do ya, punk?"...
Be afraid... Be very afraid...
When seen from afar... (and I have seen those videos that I wish I didn’t because now I get scared by any light)... it usually twinkles... and not like the little star in the sky... that is cute and puts kids to sleep because they are wondering “who you are”, O' Twinkle Star...
This twinkle is like a ball of flame... (and no... not great balls of fire... there's no Jerry Lewis involved)... and is similar to the will-o'-the-wisp phenomenon....
It is believed that this creature is actually a living woman by day... and with the use of black magic for various reasons, whether beauty, money or fame... detaches her head and organs from her body... and her entrails trail behind her as she flies through the air searching for blood....
They normally feed on rats... or for those more dubious, the blood of pregnant women and infants...
If being beautiful means removing your head and feeding on rodents... I would happily remain ugly...
Maybe one day I'll write about the supernatural tales from our Malaysian shores...
Another aspect of Halloween that I would have loved are the sweet treats... Especially chocolate...
Cause I'm like the crazy person who thinks chocolates and I are in a committed relationship...
The "I don't care who you are... where you're from... what you did... as long as you love me" kind of love...
Hopefully not the Derek Shepherd and Meredith Grey heartbreaking kind of love... that they thought giving us a beach scene would make up for robbing us of MerDer forever...
Like shame on you, Grey's Anatomy... How do you expect a person to go on without the love of their life...
P.S. Update: I guess Nick is pretty cool too...
I do like the happy ending kind of love... The Rick Astley kind of love... where they live on together forever and never to part in fiction land...
Like Roarke and Eve Dallas (from the JD Robb book series)
Like Tristan and Yvaine. 
Like Westley and Buttercup (although I was slightly disappointed that she was about to marry someone else)... 
Like Damon and Elena (I didn't watch the final few seasons of this series... so not sure if they ended up together... but although I thought Stefan was great... My sister and I were always Team Damon)...
Like Superman and Lois.
Like Clark Kent and his glasses.
Cause Tyler Hoechlin wearing glasses is like... chocolate-covered cherries... Delicious!
Cause come on... How can anything covered in chocolate be anything but delicious.
Not that I'm thinking of Tyler Hoechlin covered in chocolate.
It's not like I'm a freak or anything.
Ok Sorry, Tyler... Eating too much chocolate tends to do this to me...
When
you're drunk on too much chocolate but don't have an ex-boyfriend
to drunk-dial... you tend to write a lot of embarrassing things like
this... in your blog... about your celebrity crush... which should make it weird...
but... but...
Ok... I can't think of a but...
And since I DID eat a lot of chocolate, there would probably be more of these embarrassing declarations... so hang in there?
Oh man... Tyler doesn't seem excited about my giddy ramblings, does he?Oh well... A girl will try to be less rambly...
Ok Sorry, Tyler... Eating too much chocolate tends to do this to me...
When you're drunk on too much chocolate but don't have an ex-boyfriend to drunk-dial... you tend to write a lot of embarrassing things like this... in your blog... about your celebrity crush... which should make it weird... but... but...
Ok... I can't think of a but...
And since I DID eat a lot of chocolate, there would probably be more of these embarrassing declarations... so hang in there?
Man... I'm so corny...
So anyway, pretty sure "Trick or Treat" won't work for me, because those candy bars and chocolates are going to magically hop into my mouth
(because that's where they belong... in my mouth)...
and take a magical ride down my throat, before the kids come tricking and treating.
Like the other day—I was looking in the fridge for the bar of Cadbury chocolate... I thought I was smart enough to hide from myself...
(I hid it under the box of grapes as subterfuge... and maybe to encourage me to choose the grapes instead of the chocolate because I also love grapes...
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| Source : Jiemin Yang |
Ok.. maybe my mouth is constantly lonely and needs to have things in it...
It's like my mouth needs a workout too)...
so that I could prevent the temptation of being enticed by those sexy mounds of pure bliss... Cause I'm serious about this losing weight thing.
But I tell you, chocolates have a thing for me, cause I could swear I heard it whispering my name seductively from the fridge. Something along the lines of, "Come my lady, come-come my lady / You're my butterfly, sugar baby".
I tried telling the chocolates, that I don't find that song sexy or seductive... cause pretty sure that song has some impolite innuendos.... that I maybe may not understand because I'm like a prude...
But anyway, song aside, the chocolate bar smiled at me. And winked. And showed me its abs.
So I caved... My
attempt at subterfuge unsuccessful...
Like... It's chocolates... and abs... And I'm weak...
Also weird...
So I took out the chocolate bar... broke a piece... and was about to ease its desire of me by putting it in my mouth... when my mom offered me a bowl of cherry tomatoes instead.
Perhaps in her attempt to stop me from going off course in this weight loss journey of mine...
So I was left with a heartbreaking choice; go with the healthy snack or the sinful one.
The devil and all its chocolaty delight tantalizing me with its promised pleasure... or the angel offering me tomatoes.
A Little Bit Country, a Little Bit Rock 'n' Roll.
Really, Willy Wonka??? I'm weird???
Yeah.. I guess I am...
So anyway, guess which one I went with???
You're right, tomato buddies... How could I say NO to my mom?
The person who brought me into this world...
Who took care of me... and brought me up... The best mom ever!
I could never say "NO" to her.
So I did what any sane person, who loves her mom, would do... I ate BOTH.
The tomatoes and the chocolate... Maybe the grapes too...
Because that's the kind of sacrifice I'm willing to make for my mom.
I'm such a good daughter.
So this Teen Wolf scene! Cute, naughty and we get to see Derek Hale do something we don't often get to see him do..... SMILE....
With Derek Hale, you can play that drinking game...
Take a shot every time he smiles... Which is the type of
drinking game any mom would approve, cause we would never get drunk...
But don't judge Derek Hale... So he was happy scaring a bunch of kids...
He's not a bad guy... He's misunderstood...
Like when he killed to become alpha...
He was just lonely... He had nobody in his life...
He thought having powers will
make him happy...
Just like how people backstab others to get the promotion... They thought money will make them happy....
Hmmmm yeah I think they’re happy with their promotion...
Anyway, back to Derek Hale...
Poor Derek had a bad childhood...
Bad relationships...
Yup... Like this one...
Don't trust these innocent-looking types, Derek... Didn't they teach you that in Werewolf School...
Let's check the list... Ready, Tyler?
Dark druid...
Serial killer...
Lunatic...
Derek Hale dated them all...
Actually dated is too big a word...
I don't think any dinner in a restaurant was involved...
He just did the naughty tango with them...
You know what's unfair... Unfair is finally giving Derek Hale a love interest... but making her a serial killer...
Like why couldn't they just let him be happy...
Let him at least have gone on a date... and eaten some garlic bread...
But no they didn't even give him that...
Poor Derek... All he had were a string of crazy ex-girlfriends...
The kind who licks your abs... before electrocuting you...
I mean... I seriously get that...
Who wouldn't want to lick Derek Hale/Tyler Hoechlin's abs...
Not me though... Also that would be like cheating on my chocolates.
And I'm not the cheating kind...
I don't even have multiple celebrity crushes...
Only one... Tyler Hoechlin...
Anyway, any licking I would be doing would probably involve an ice-cream stick... like Magnum Ice-Cream... Way more fun and delicious... And a lot less salty...
I mean I think salty is the correct adjective...
Haven't really done any of those licking of the partner's body parts thing that couples do...
But I would think it would be salty...
Wait... Do couples actually do that? Lick each other? Is it fun? And not uncomfortable? Or unhygienic?
Like our body has hair... so wouldn't it be difficult licking a hairy body???
And isn't licking body parts gross... like you could get sweat poisoning...
Hmmmmmm... I wonder if Tyler's abs tastes like chocolate?
Man... Now I'm craving some kisses...
Not from you, Tyler... Man, wipe that scared "I-don't-want-this-scary-monter-on-the-prowl-for-my-lips" look off your face...
Not you, okay... From Hershey...
I want Hershey's Kisses...
Don't worry Tyler.... Don't want to kiss you.
Don't want to lick your abs too... even if you slather on some chocolate.
You're welcome, Tyler Hoechlin!
Now walk away before I change my mind.
I'm all about self-control...
Yeah... I have a tremendous amount of self control...It's my self-respect that needs help...
Have to say though... the creativity of calling chocolates “Kisses”...
I guess cause most people want kisses when they gift chocolates to people...
I don't... I don't want kisses... I just want the chocolates...
I like chocolates in general... those that I can afford...
But Kisses (the chocolate kind... not the lips kind) will always be one of my favorites...
I like the taste... No matter the flavor, they're all pretty special... I love you, Kisses...
So anyway... Back to Tyler Hoechlin...
Don't know why chocolates suddenly made me think of Tyler... I'm so weird, aren't I?
It's not that I think of you all the time, Mr. Tyler Lee Hoechlin...
You and your wonderful physique, with a chest, that is perfect for laying hands... and head... to cry...
Like who needs a shoulder to cry on when there are biceps... and that wonderful chest...
And I didn't know... or even wanted to know... what biceps or pecs were before...
I wasn't into those things... before you, Tyler...
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| Source : @likeswaffles |
Other people have a shoulder to cry on... Yours will be pecs to cry on... Actually your shoulder with your biceps are pretty great for crying on too...
Like a person could cry just for fun... just to get a hug... from you...
I'm sorry... I know I'm being a creep...
But when your body, especially that whole chest and arm area... looks like it could be better than a pillow... people will tend to have dreamy thoughts...
Sorry, Tyler...
I know that sounded weirder than I meant it to be... But I may not delete the above sentence as perhaps I should...
I may come back to this post a few years from now... and cringe at the stupid things I wrote here about you... things I may not feel the same way about years from now... And I would probably deserve any slapping I give myself then...
In all honesty though.... and I'm not saying this in any leering, disgusting way... but more as a matter of factual analysis... like making a scientific observation...
X minus XY....
Like please eXplain to me whY this charming man is giving my sanity so much trouble...
I know I was never into bulky, muscular guys... with muscles falling out of their shirts...
But more into the lean type of guys...
The quiet muscles... The hidden abs...
Which is why I think Tyler's body is the stuff of dreams for many of his fans...
Yeah... His fans... Don't give me that smirking, "Is that so" look, Tyler...
To your fans... Not me... I don't dream of you...
I dream of ice-cream sundaes... and cheesy pizza... and fully-loaded potatoes... and maybe you eating the pizza... shirtless...
Kidding kidding... I don't think like that...
I'm like a nun... ask my family...
And not not the scary ghost kind... not like this nun...
Although some of you who know me, may disagree... especially little kids who see me in public and hug their parents in fear...
Like almost a nun... in the sense that I have no men in my life... but not the kind that dedicate themselves to doing good for others...
The kind of people I admire and respect, and wish I was a little selfless like that too... and able to do more good...
Sorry... I realize this is fast becoming the Tyler Hoechlin Appreciation post...
I hope my family doesn't discover this blog and disown me... for my raunchy writing.
Who knows, they might even give me an intervention... A ty-vention...
Do I maybe need an exorcism too? Or medication?
So I should stop now before I get a cease-and-desist order from the Hoechlin crew... especially as I know his brother has a company that works with lawyers...
Btw, any lawyers need any marketing help, look them up...
Got any vacancy, Bro Hoech?
I'm like learned... smart... kinda smart.... ok maybe being smart is something I'm still working on...
But I've got dedication... enthusiasm... persistence... tenacity... I'll make a great staff...
See I know adjectives... Wait.. Was that adverbs???
So maybe me being smart is a point that is open to interpretation and cannot be proven beyond a reasonable doubt...
Does reading John Grisham's book, The Rainmaker, several times... and also watching a lot of law films... make me an ideal candidate?
I'm also loyal... and faithful... and will be devoted to your brother... to your company...
Man... I'm not acing this interview, am I?
When you try to make a job pitch through your blog... I'm such a dweeb....
Sorry Tyler Hoechlin... no offense on how you taste... You may taste good... I wouldn't know... I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!
Just so you know... and I'm not saying this because I don't want a lawyer serving me notice... all that sleazy, shameful rambling about your physique wasn't really me being serious...
I was just joking... I don't think of you that way...
I was just commenting as a matter of general discussion... like writing a thesis... or a research paper...
I'm like one of those stoic people... who never think of men... and only think of smart people stuff...
So I don't think of you at all... I only think of dolphins... Honest...
Sorry for my convoluted drivel... Just trying to distract myself.. and stop me from eating those sexy chocolates waiting for me in the fridge.
I think I heard it say, "let me slip into something more comfortable" when I hid it in the fridge....
Oh man... What is wrong with me... My writing is atrocious... obnoxious... crude... lewd...
I guess I should, Tyler... But I can't.... I'm sorry... 😳
Distracting me from chocolates is what I tell myself to cover the fact that I've written some blush-inducing stuff so far...
Like I really hope my family doesn't discover this blog... Like ever... Like never...
Me. A few hours later. After giving in to temptation....Also thinking of Tyler Hoechlin made me hungry...
So anyway... Where was I?
Oh yeah... Back to one of my favorite subjects (I wish I could do my Master's on it)... poor Derek Hale from Teen Wolf...
His uncle, Peter Hale, tried to kill him... and steal his powers...
Worst... messed up his love life.. and made his eyes turn blue...
Ok maybe what Derek did made his eyes turn blue but Peter was behind those eyes-blue moves....
Yes. You are, Peter Hale. Yes. You are.
I seriously doubt it...
I tell you, Derek Hale has had a tough life.
Derek has no family... No friends...
He keeps losing fights...
His pack abandons him...
He tries to help people but they think he wants to kill them...
It's like they just enjoy seeing him in handcuffs...
I don't really get why... I mean what's so special about him in handcuffs...
The thing I like best about Derek Hale is that he always rises, no matter what life throws at him... Death... Toxic relationships... Loneliness...
Going from being the presumed villain in Season 1 to becoming a mentor and big brother in later seasons... willing to sacrifice everything... even his powers... for the people he cares about...
For me, that's the success of this character... especially the way he was portrayed by Tyler Hoechlin...
He gives off this sense of vulnerability and warmth... that you feel for him... even when he's being a douche...
And with so much darkness in Derek's life... the pain he endured... the circumstances of his life...
I can't really blame him for being such a “I''m gonna kill him... how do you do this thing called smile” guy at first...
I guess he needed to be around people like Scott and Stiles, who are always trying to help people... to bring out the light within him...
I always felt that Derek has deep feelings of love within him... that he cared for people... even if he had a hard time showing it... or even recognizing it sometimes...
I do tend to get emotional when I think of Derek... cause I'm that person, who sees the people around me, family, friends, colleagues, even strangers I read about... going through difficulties.... and I worry for them... hating myself when I'm not able to help...
The type of woman who got passionately angry when she read about a person being sentenced jail time for stealing milk..
Look I know stealing is wrong... But he wasn't stealing diamonds... Or cars... Or breaking into homes and hurting people... Or stealing from the very company they're supposed to be working for...
This person stole milk... And nobody steals milk unless it's for their children... Circumstances and the need to feed his children is what drove him to it... To provide for his kids... It's the love of a father that drove him to this extreme act...
I wouldn't send him to jail... I would give him a hug and a job... Ok maybe not a hug... I don't do hugs... but definitely a job...
When there are so many others, stealing for greed, and getting away with it... How can I condemn someone stealing for love...
So someone like Derek, even if he's a fictional character, would definitely bring out those protective instincts within me...
Why am I advocating for the rights of Derek Hale, you may ask?
Man. I don't know. I like to find a cause and fight for it...
So I'm fighting for poor misunderstood Derek Hale from Teen Wolf...
He lived his life like a Simple Plan song... A lot of angst... A lot of pain...
Who doesn't smile... frowns all the time... and issues threats that are supposed to be scary but I just find them cute... and so hot...
I mean that was supposed to be mean, right??? That punch... But why do I find it so hot...
So anyway, after all he has gone through, I'm hoping one day Derek will find someone who will love him, give him cuddles and bring out the laughter that's in him...
I guess the only thing going for Derek is...
his mirror smiles when he looks into it..
Maybe even gives him a wink or two...
What about my mirror, you ask?
Yeah.. My mirror hates me...
It screams swear words at me when I look into it.
My mirror and I have a feud going on... It started when I looked into
it... and it shrieked... and I got mad and told it to stop being a "drama
queen glass"... and we haven't spoken since...
So I don't know how I look like now... Maybe a horror movie face... A face that
scares children... Who knows...
So Halloween is probably my kind of thing because
1) I scare my mirror.
2) I scare kids.
Yes... I scare kids... Mostly cause I look like a scary monster... Or so I would think, judging by the amount of crying kids do when they see me... I'm kid-juring... Conjuring to kids...
Don't believe me? Listen to this.
So I went to a party, and parties are not my thing.
Mostly when I get invited to a party, I get this fear in my stomach... like the type you get when you have to make a trip to the dentist... Which is probably why I don't go to the dentist either.
So do I have teeth like... I don't know... Jack Sparrow??? Hmmm maybe...
I also give off Shrek vibes....
Hence,
ME = scary ogre.
Children = terrified
At least Shrek had layers like onions... or so he said... I have no layers... the only layer of onion I'm using is to do onions rings...
So anyway. Me at a party. Looking for someone to talk to.
I talk.
People get bored.
Or feel like stabbing themselves.
People walk away.
I understand.... Even I get bored listening to the thoughts in my head sometimes.
People have even dozed off when I talk.... Actually I've even found myself dozing off while I was doing the talking...
It's kinda my superpower... I can bore the pants off people...
Hmmmm no... Bore people to death... Yeahhh... That's better... I prefer the pants to stay on... not off...
Cause I don't want to see anyone pant-less... even Tyler Hoechlin... I'm cool like that...
So I sit alone out on the porch.
And eat. Which is actually more fun than the talking with people part.
Then a kid saw me sitting out on the porch.
Had the look of horror you get when you've just seen a ghost.
I would guess this is how you look when you've seen a ghost.
I've never seen one, although I think there's a ghost in my house because of the mysterious sounds I hear at night... and my stuff going missing, like the chocolates I have tucked away in the fridge... and the ice-cream mysteriously getting less... or the bag of potato chips that fall on my lap, out of nowhere, begging me to sink my teeth into them.
Ghost I tell you. Which is scary because I don't do well with people, imagine dealing with a ghost.
So the kid sees me outside, screams... cries... and refuses to come out of the house.
The parents literally tried to drag the kid out of the house.
Until they gave up.
And the kid stayed in the house... while surreptitiously glancing at me every few minutes... and looking away with a shudder when I tried to smile at him.
The feeling when you use a word like "surreptitiously" in your writing. Do I know what it means. Yeahhh of course... Hey I Google... Do I know how to pronounce it... I guess not.
Another time.
This kid was playing with his car and I walked in.
He looked up. Saw me.... and backed away screaming in terror...
Probably thought I was Bigfoot...
How's my day going?
I feel GREAT!
The other day, my colleague was on leave, and came to the office to pick up something, and so brought her 6-month-baby for our viewing pleasure...
Everyone excitedly crowded over the child, who was like a celebrity walking into comic-con... And so everyone held the boy... made funny faces and okiki sounds at it... and talked about how friendly he was... how cute... how wonderful... and he smiled at everyone...
Then I went near him, put out my hand to carry him... and he looked at me and started making the sounds kid make that shows they are about to cry...
I stepped back and he went back to smiling at everyone else... 😞
Wait... Am I that scary looking???
So I said, maybe it's my skin... I'm an Indian so my skin is slightly dark... a bit brown... not as fair as my colleagues... so maybe he was afraid... And the helpful colleague said, “No... My skin is as dark as yours... but he's fine with me... So it's not skin color”...
Gee thanks colleague... That was very helpful.. I'm happy to know that it was not my skin color that scared him... so it must be my ugly face... I feel so much better knowing I have a face that scares kids...
Even cats are scared of me.... Once I was waiting after work, outside, for my food delivery... and I turned and saw this black cat looking at me in fear... staring at me in trepidation...
Like it was thinking, “What is this creature... Is this what they call human... Why is she so scary looking... She sure as meow looks like a bulldozer”...
It slowly backed away while giving me the same scared glances every few minutes... Like why... Why be scared of me... I'm a good person...
I had this awful thought.
What if when my brother and his wife have kids and my little
niece or nephew finds me scary too... Well I hope not.... I want
to be the cool aunt that every kid loves.
The type who flies with an umbrella and sings that a spoonful of sugar (no matter what they say about sugar being bad for your health), is great when it's taken with medicine as it helps the medicine go down better...
Like I would happily have animated creatures dancing around us while I enjoy a picnic with my niece and nephew.
I've been doing a lot of practice runs. Practicing being an aunt... to my friends' kids... And doing aunt-like things... Buying them things... Baking them cookies... Smiling...
Wait... Maybe it's the cookies?
Or was it my smile?
I guess, for Halloween I can just go as myself because apparently I'm a scary monster... the kind that lives under your bed...
So since we don't celebrate Halloween here in my country, we just wait for Christmas.
Although I always felt that it would be nice to decorate the house for Halloween like we do for Christmas.
Like hang some skulls around the house. There are usually cobwebs around the house anyway.
And it's not becaue I'm too lazy to clean.
It's because of my allergies.
I can't clean because of the dust that will cause my allergies to flare up.
You do believe me, don't you?
Yeah... Didn't think so.
It would also be nice to carve a pumpkin. Make cute little patterns...
Do the eyes glowing thing...
Then maybe bake a pumpkin pie... with whipped cream on top...
What!!! Ok.. Maybe I think of food all the time. I'm on a diet.
The costume part will probably be a problem though. I definitely can't do sexy characters.
Me in a Catwoman suit? People will die of disgust. Or worse, choke on their food. Heck, even cats will kill themselves from the pure horror of it.
I don't have to worry though. Maybe I could just go as myself. I already look like a Halloween character. Ask any kid. They'll tell you.
Just worried I might scare myself.
My teenage cousin once tried the baby photo phone app thing on me. On other people, they get these cute photos, which makes everyone go awwww....
Me? I come out looking like a horror movie character. True story.
There was complete silence when they saw it.
Probably gave them nightmares for days.
Could also be the reason why my cousin has never tried that phone app face thing on me ever again. I guess I should be grateful?
~ William Shakespeare, Macbeth
So it's Halloween. Of course we have to mention Shakespeare. Why? Because aren't his books a horror to read?
I'm kidding! I love his books. I read them all the time.... in my sleep... kidding kidding... I do read them... Ok maybe I read the simplified version... but it's still reading, right?
I also realize that I look like the above photo when I cook.
I also say those words while I cook.
Probably why nobody wants to touch the food I've cooked.
I mean, it's because I said those words, right?
I'm sure it has nothing to do with the taste of the food.
hmmmm nothing???
I've always liked wolves. That's why I love Teen Wolf.
Mostly I like Derek Hale or in other words Tyler Hoechlin.
But that's a story for another day. Cause it's Halloween and I don't want him to haunt my dreams tonight.
Pretty sure, he's going to haunt my dreams tonight, anyway.
Stop smiling like that, Tyler...
Haunting my dreams tonight for sure...
The thing I can't understand about Tyler Hoechlin is how can a guy look good, serious and brooding, in his, “I wish I could kill you” look as Derek Hale..
Yet... Also look good when he smiles and laughs a lot, like he does in real life...
The things you think about #whenUeat2muchChocolates...
Sugar High... Sorry...
So anyway.. Halloween...
You know like how everyone has a favorite animal...
Mine are wolves. Beautiful, mysterious, majestic wolves.
Which is why Siberian Huskies are the type of dogs I like, cause they resemble wolves.
I also love direwolves. Watched Game of Thrones. Saw this scene...
... and fell in love.
No... Not with Jon Snow, but with Ghost, his direwolf.
Fun Fact. Did you know that dire wolves actually existed? It is one of the famous prehistoric carnivores in North America and lived in the Americas and China during the Late Pleistocene and Early Holocene epochs.
See... I know how to Google... Or maybe it was from those Google Doodles... Man... The things you can learn from Google Doodle... Thank you Google for your well-thought of doodles.
Not really sure what I wrote though... Pleistocene... Holocene epochs...
Anyway based on the little I heard about direwolves in some History Channel show... that I occasionally watch cause I want to seem smart... but then they talk about aliens, and skin walkers, and stuff, and I just see monsters everywhere...
So it seemed direwolves did exist a long time ago... and they were sturdier and bigger than normal wolves...
Cool right? Direwolves are now my favorite wolves...
Watching each direwolf death on Game of Thrones was painful...
As painful as taking out a slice of cheesecake to eat and see that it's all moldy cause you were trying to diet and control yourself from eating that cheesecake but then you left it too long... and now it's moldy and you can't eat it...
because apparently you can't eat moldy cake... which is what my mom tells me when I ask her, "Can I cut off this green mildewed part and still eat this cake?"...
Exactly my mom's reaction... She may have also shook her head a little... with that same look of disgust on her face...
People are so cruel to cake sometimes... Also I think Tyler Hoechlin wearing a shirt over a tight shirt like that, and jeans, as Clark Kent is so sexy.
Sorry... Where was I???Oh... direwolves...
Eddard Stark killing Sansa Stark's direwolf broke me...
Of course that was before I found out a few episodes later, that the direwolf death was nothing compared to the other more shocking deaths that were coming.
It seemed like every season, it was a tribute to Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust".
You do enjoy your work, don't you, GoT creators?
I worried for Ghost every season...
Most people worry about their favorite character on their favorite show dying, I worried about an animal...
A CGI animal...
Perfectly normal behavior for sure...
Then this happened.
And I couldn't move. For days.
Which is what I used to tell my mom as I mourned Jon Snow.
While my mom gave me the exasperated Hermione Granger look in return.
Anyway... Ghost made it.... and Jon Snow...
P.S. So I guess I need to write something like a retraction cause
I try to be honest in my blog and almost all the things I've written
here.... as crazy as they sound... are actual real-life experiences of
mine... although I may exaggerate them a little... but in all honesty, not by much...
Like I actually don't talk to animals or hear their thoughts or read their facial expressions, although they really do glare at me a lot...
I'm quite sure I irritate most animals enough that they would like to bite me ... Actually honestly I would like to bite me too... just to end the suffering of hearing me talk...
So in the instance above, unlike some people who had to wait months to find out if Jon Snow survived... I only had to Google to find out...
But it was still painful... watching him lying there dying...
I didn't watch the series when it first aired... I started watching it when I was recovering from a medical procedure and had two weeks of blissful sick leave... which I didn't need.... cause I recover fast from surgeries and injuries (Touchwood)...
So I was fine after a few days... and bored... but was too lazy to go back to work and cancel my two weeks of hospitalization leave... I was tempted though cause I enjoy my job... but my boss was being an irritating you-know-what... and I lost interest to go back to work...
Stick to the point? Yeah sorry... Anyway... It was at the time that was like the ending of the 6th season or something so was hearing a lot of good things... so started watching the show...
But knew Jon Snow survived because I was getting all this Jon Snow the Prince that was Promised videos (what a letdown that was... I was so pumped thinking this was like an actual thing that might happen)... that Google kept sending me the moment I started watching the show...
Like somehow Google knew I was watching the show... I wonder if they can peer into our houses?
Although sometimes I discover terms I wish I never knew... like Google, thank you for being so helpful, and teaching me things I need to know, but seriously, some of these x-rated meanings to these words, is seriously putting a dent on the way I view things...
Like normal innocuous words have hidden x-rated meanings or sexual positions... Again... why... Why the x why...
Just do it... don't name it... especially innocent, everyday words...
cause the poor kids... or old prudish
people like me who has the mind of a kid... who unknowingly Google these words... might be scarred for life...
I'm rambling again, aren't I? When Tyler Hoechlin gives you the what I assume is the bored "will you ever stop talking... when is this going to end" look...
Cause this is usually my look too when I'm out in public... like at the doctor's or on a plane... and the person next to me shares their stories... when I'm reading my book...
And yes their stories are interesting... and I don't mind chatting... and I try to be polite and pay attention... but sometimes I just want to read my book...
Anyway knew Jon Snow survived.... But cannot imagine how others watching the show live would have reacted... They would have needed to wait months for the new season to find out if he made it...
I guess the "I'm dead inside" would have been my reaction if I was watching it live...
Also thanks to Google being helpful and sending me those videos, I knew Jon Snow was a Targaryen (all the good that did him)...
On the plus side, I didn't know about Ned Stark, and the Red Wedding... and the whole Arya poisoning everyone... So that was a shock... Anyway... Why I hate spoilers...
Normally I don't want spoilers to anything... I don't want to know the endings of the books I read... Or movies I watch...
Superman and Lois airs in the US on Tuesday... For me here is Wednesday morning... I only get to watch it when I go home at night...
So I don't open my social media the entire day at work... Like not even a peep....
I want to watch the show live in its entirety... and get all gooey with the romantic thing Clark Kent does or says... Or get a thrill with the shocking twist...
I realize I may have just given a lot of spoilers to Game of Thrones too in this post... Sorry...
Why am I talking about Game of Thrones in a Halloween post? I don't know.
My mind wanders a lot. Maybe I saw the opening scene, saw a wight, and thought it was a horror movie.
I was also watching alone at 3am and maybe it freaked me out a little.
Man.. I know my Halloween costume.
I should go as a white walker or the Night King....
Yeahhhh He doesn't seem so thrilled with the idea..
I love fantasy-based books and films, which was why Game of Thrones appealed to me... And when I found out that Tyler Hoechlin had similar love for the show, I was giddy as a kid eating ice-cream for the first time...
Yes. It takes very little to get me excited.
The
GoT book series, which I started reading, when I became a fan of the show, were not too clutch-my-pearls-in-horror descriptive like the
show... But then again, I'm a prude so I watched the censored version
of the series (which is also pretty shocking for me)... that had no man parts... or woman parts... or people
doing things in bed... or in towers...
Actually when I saw Jaime push that little kid, whom I would never ever guess, never in a million years, would one day be king, I wondered why... It was only later... when I saw photos online... which seriously made me sick to my stomach, cause siblings!... that I figured out what the kid saw...
I was like... what
butt... I don't remember seeing any butt...
Then realized... oh the censored version...
But I'm fine... I'll stick to watching the censored version...
I have no interest whatsoever in seeing Jon Snow's butt... Sorry...
No offense, Jon Snow... I'm the faithful kind so I'm remaining true to the only man I like's butt...
I'm sorry... That came out wrong...
I mean... I don't want to see your butt either, Tyler...
but if I could... it would only be yours...
I mean if I wanted to... I don't.... I don't want to see anyone's butt...
Not even my own...
Sorry... I'll go sit in the corner.. and think about the butt...
I mean... what I said about the butt...
Not think about your butt...
Fun fact... Being a Board Game freak, I even bought the Game of Thrones version of Monopoly...
It has gold coins instead of money, and castles instead of hotels... and me fighting with my family to play the direwolf token.
There's also the iron throne and the buzzer thingy and you hit it, and that really hot theme music plays...
And when that theme music is your ringtone, you gotta believe that I would keep hitting that buzzer just to hear that music...
Although some people may find it annoying... wait... do you think they find me annoying too?
Hmmmm okayyyy... Sorry... I'm like a Board Game geek... especially Monopoly...
Would so love to get the minion version of Monopoly... and the Harry Potter version.... and the... I think I have the Vegas version...
Wait... Nobody thought that was a fun fact, did they??
So to recap... Love Board Games... Game of Thrones... Tyler Hoechlin... Derek Hale and Teen Wolf... and wolves...
Sometimes I wish I could have a wolf as a pet.
But then again, I don't want to die.
Game of Thrones is my go-to show when people ask me for show suggestions...
Then because I'm a prude... and don't want them to think I have
salacious taste in the films I watch... I remind them I watched the
censored version... So I not only know nothing like Jon Snow, I also
see nothing... Nothing x-rated that is...
Anyway, there are a lot of GoT memes and gifs in the Internet,
so I notice there sure are a lot of scenes with people
especially the women, with minimal clothing... actually I should say no clothing at all...
Which I assume is why most men watch the show...
Ok Ok sorry... I take that back... Didn't mean to make any assumptions...
Maybe men watch it for the same reasons I do... I've always been a geek about fantasy-based movies and shows... and I love the show... for its unexpected moments... the twists... the unpredictable turn of events...
Ned Stark... whom I thought was the hero of the show... The Red Wedding... Again another hero presumed...
Although I would never forgive them for what they did to sweet Shireen Baratheon... Seriously... I cried...
They also had the moments that I kept re-watching for fun...
Most of the battle scenes cause I'm the person who watches Lord of the Rings and fast forwards all the Frodo scenes.... Sorry Frodo, it's not you... It's me...
I like badass scenes... And Game of Thrones certainly had plenty...
Dany buying the dragons and her unsullied army...
The Battle of the Bastards (the only time I'm allowed to use this word at home... Actually still not allowed to use this word at home.... I should edit this)...
Hardhome... King of the North...
Any scene with Lady Lyanna Mormont...
You know I see a lot of memes about Rickon Stark running straight and not zig-zag... which would presumably have saved his life... but seriously someone captured you and let you go... you think at that moment, you're planning strategy...
Perhaps I need to run in a zig-zag cause that would fool him and he won't be able to shoot an arrow through me... NO! Nobody's going to think that... All they're thinking of is running... like Forrest Gump... So yeah... please stop meme-ing him...
My favorite character on Game of Thrones was Jon Snow...
Other than the
dagger-wielding Arya Stark and one-liner, dripping with sarcasm,
which reminded me so much of Derek Hale, Tyrion Lannister...
Also Bronn, whom I really didn't know why they had him on that show, but he sure was cool...
Not someone I would want to be friends with in real life... cause you know the bad language he uses... but I didn't mind that he didn't die...
If I had kids, I would probably name them Arya and Derek...
Oh yeah.. I also really liked Brienne... cause I really could relate with her pain regarding Jaime cause that's how I feel when I see Tyler Hoeclin laughing, hugging, kissing, talking, cuddling and dancing with other women...
I mean... I know I
should be happy for him... but I really am the jealous kind... especially when it comes to Tyler Hoechlin... which I write about so graphically in this nausea-causing post... Do read it if you enjoy works of horror and terror...
But not jealous enough to do what Brienne did to Jamie for being a douche... Wait... Didn't Brienne stab Jaime with her sword when he dumped her after sleeping with her? Ohhhh thought that was what happened.... I mean... What she should have done to Jamie... What I would have done...
I know people were not happy with the ending of Game of Thrones, and yes, although I may hate to see Daenerys dying at the end, cause I did love her badass attitude in the beginning, and I wanted her and Jon Snow to meet and was so excited when it happened...
cause I shipped them (no pun intended... I watched the censored version but I kinda figured out something happened on that ship... cause when a guy comes to your room... something is bound to happen)...
and wanted them to have cute little human children and not dragon children, before I found out that she was his aunt, and my dreams died, like all the broken figments of my fantasies... So they probably could not have been together, but I still did not want her to die...
But Jon Snow going off and living with the wild folks, was probably what he had always wanted I guess... He never wanted lofty titles... Although a part of me was thrilled when he was named King of the North, it wasn't probably something he would enjoy... being King... Being with the wild folks... with Tormund and the gang... that would give him joy...
One of his best friends was Samwise Gamgee.
Jon Snow had his uncle's heart. The wanderer. The traveler. So I guess he would be happy with how his story ended...
Sorry for the long-winded ramblings about Game of Thrones...
Another reason to love Halloween....
Cause I do love reading spooky, supernatural stories... that keep me up at night but hey it's a fear I'm willing to live with...
I remember when I used to watch X-Files when I was in my teens... Yeah... I'm old.... This post I've just written may seem like it's written by a love-starved teen... But I'm not a teen...
Not starving for love either... As Jon Snow said, “I don't want it”... I don't want love and romance...
I wouldn't mind some pizza though...
Anyway watching X-Files was really spooky during that time, and I may or may not have worried about monsters hunting me at night...
Yeah it was a time when monsters actually looked like monsters and scared the Beetlejuice out of you...
And not romantic heroes, who say, “I'm the alpha now” angrily with his grim face, and you swoon with ecstasy....
Hmm maybe that's just me...
When ogres looked like they would enjoy having you for lunch... even though with my fat content, I may be considered the fast food variety... and not the healthy sushi...
And goblins were grotesque creatures that were scary and you stayed away from them... Now you have handsome Asian Goblins... who wore long coats... and whose smiles make you melt...
Yup!
Supernatural creatures nowadays are so fun to watch.
I love it when they're all moody and menacing...
and grumpy... and brooding... and sarcastic...
I love it when their eyes go red and their fangs come out...
Fine!!!!! I'll stop now, Damon...
Sorry for my long, torturous tale of horror...
For the long-winded, hair-curling drivel...
Hey, it's Halloween... Probably the moon or something is making me wacky...
I'm perfectly sane otherwise.
Ok... Maybe the "sane" statement is a bit of a stretch...
P.S
So my young cousin and I got talking about Halloween. And she's a lover of all things spooky.
The cousin, who's waiting for the zombie apocalypse, like you see in the movies...
Like she would enjoy having zombies chase her...
Me... you may ask...
Editor: Nobody asked... Or even cares..
I can sense sarcasm... but I'm going to answer anyway...
Me... on the other hand... instead of being chased by the zombie... would rather be the zombie...
Now aren't you glad I answered...
I guess that's a 'yes'?
Anyway... My cousin...
The girl who watches horror movies with all the lights off.. Pitch dark... To increase the scare factor...
And then says the movie was funny...
Not scary... Funny!
Look my idea of watching horror movies.... is under my blanket...
Sometimes I sob a little...
Cause I'm the woman who's too scared to burst balloons...
People give me balloons to burst and I just stare at it and people go, "just prick it"... and I'm like... "but wouldn't it hurt... what if it hurts my hands when it bursts?"...
But I can’t just barricade myself under my blanket for the horror movie viewing now can I?
She would think I'm a wuss... I need to be tough for her sake... or at least pretend to be...
But luckily she likes the dark for horror-movie watching... so I watch with my eyes closed... Then wake up when the movie is over and say, “Boy wasn’t that good”... I meant my sleep of course...
Sorry... My idea of the scariest horror movie is Harry Potter... So anything scarier than that is too scary...
So since my cousin enjoys supernatural stuff, I introduced her to Teen Wolf and Vampire Diaries... because that's the type of cool older cousin I am... introducing my teenage cousin to gorgeous men on TV.
We may be more than 20 years apart in age, but we get along great... She's my stalk my celebrity-crush buddy... My eat ice cream and comfort me buddy when I think my celebrity crush has a girlfriend, because as long as he's with someone... I'm gonna cry... and need food...
I mean I think my cousin and I get along great.... or it could be that she's a kind person and tolerates her freak of a cousin.
Bummer!
I've always said that my 18-year-old cousin is the daughter my mom always wanted... Like if my mom ever had a dream of the type of daughter she wanted, I'm certainly not it...
If there was a test, I would fail while my cousin would get full marks... She would summa the heck of that laude.... She would be valedictorian... The one voted 'most likely to succeed'...
While I would be the one sent to the principle's office... The stand in the corner, Willie Oleson...
So anyway... I tell my aunt that my cousin is the daughter my mom always wanted... and my aunt says to my mom, “Let's exchange daughters. You take mine... I take yours”...
And I'm like, “Seriously, aunty... Me.. You want me?”...
My aunt realizing what she had just said, had the “Big mistake... I want to take it back... What was I thinking” look on her face... and my mom nonchalantly, straight to the point says, “You really want her? She eats a lot”...
Gee mom... Thanks...
It was later that I realize when my aunt was talking about the daughter-exchange thing, she probably meant my sister... and not me, the grumpy potato.
Anyway... When we get together, my aunt usually says, we are always up to mischief.
But it's nothing too diabolic.... It's just drooling over the gorgeous guys on TV... or drooling over food... mostly it's food... also complaining about people who have been mean to our parents..
I mean occasionally we enjoy saying things that are considered diabolic... Like let's try the throw cheese on the kid when they're crying game... which led to MY brother and HER brother saying, they would never let us babysit their future kids...
Oh fine... Keep your kids... and your cheese...
P.S. An honest question. Do people nowadays have kids just so they can try internet challenges on them... because those poor kids...
They probably do have grounds for distrusting our baby-caring capabilities... I remember one time... I saw a kid looking at the ice-cream freezer, pointing at it, and silently asking their mom for ice-cream and I asked my mom if I could go buy ice-cream...
My mom was like “No. Look at the kid asking for ice-cream. You can't buy the ice-cream in front of him. What if he asks you for it? You could give it to him. But his mom might not approve of you feeding her kid ice-cream”...
then I laughed... evilly... while my cousin gave me a high 5 and said, “YEAHHHHH” in a very punk rock way... while the rest of our family crew looked at us in horror...
I told this tale to my colleagues, and one girl said, “Wow. Wow. You're a really horrible person”...
Gee! Kidding! Joke, people! Joke! Can't anyone enjoy a joke nowadays...
Of course I wouldn't do it... This killjoy thing in me called a conscious wouldn't let me...
Also I like kids... Not in the I-want-to-have-them-way-because-they-cry-and-stink... but in a like-them-from-a-distance way...
Yeahhhh.. I'm beginning to realize I'm a bad influence on my young cousin...
So anyway, we put our heads together and hatched a plan to have our own Halloween party next year among our family and close friends.
So since we're over-achievers... We've got big plans..
So we're doing the costume thing. Doing Halloween treats like edible eyes, skulls and stuff.... Halloween Deco... We're even planning a Haunted House... And maybe a prank or two...
Oh boy.. Oh boy.. I can't wait.. It's gonna be so much fun...
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